always recurring

Вчера я первый раз за очень долгое время "выбралась в люди", так сказать. Сходили с Машей в театр, перед тем посидели в очень милой кофейне с замечательным кофе. Смотрели красивую морализующую штуку, что ожидаемо очень вдохновило. В "Гоголь-центр" приходят такая публика -- тоже довольно вдохновляюще выглядит, хотя что там, казалось бы. Так вот, все это вместе, плюс разговоры о Главном И Не Очень настраивают на более... положительное восприятие действительности? Правда казалось, что все лучше, чем мне видится. Появились какие-то силы делать дела (может, дело в том, что перед тем я два дня подряд спала довольно много). Но уже тем же вечером я делала домашку на сегодня до трех, сегодня вернулась домой только в пять после бытовых дел и прогулки с собакой, страшно уставшая, отчего упала спать. Проснувшись, поняла, что все очень плохо. У меня столько дел, что я не представляю, когда с ними справляться. Нет, всегда есть куда падать, но как-то после воодушевления даже не столь значительные падения воспринимаются довольно остро. Кажется, я пробиваю один из дедлайнов. Я не уверена. Но здесь хотя бы не нужно вгружать работу в электронную систему, где прием работ заканчивается ровно в назначенное время. Грустно это все. Силы кончаются. Зато иероглифы стали хорошо идти, я даже немного горжусь.

За суетой не успеваю рисовать картинки, вдохновение на которые испаряется со временем. Уже канули в Лету много хороших идей. Мда.

Слушаю эту песню и не понимаю, чем мне здесь так нравится именно музыка, тут же ее нет почти. Зато прекрасный долгий текст на одну из моих любимых тем. Приятно такое испытывать. Запощу текст на память.

он длинный

Fell asleep last night listening to a train, whistle blowing across the Carquinez Strait, and to the wind blowing through the eucalyptus trees, watching Paolo Sorrentino's "The Great Beauty".
Fell asleep last night listening to a train. I want to visit my friend because she's in a lot of pain. It was the shingles, then C. diff, now they're saying lupus. She's a single mom with two kids and she don't deserve any of it.
I'd like to go out there when I can, but I'm just back from Finland and soon I'm off to Switzerland for a part in a film, but when I get home going to go see my friend and keep her company for a week or so.
I feel bad for not going there now, but I got a life out here, I need to hold the fort down. Got hard wood floors buckling up and an old leaky pipe, thirty yards of fallen fence that I need to put back upright.
And I broke a tooth on a bone in some beef stew I was eating in Belgium and it cracked right down to the root, my gums are bleeding and they're turning blue, and I've got a dentist appointment on Tuesday.
Went to a 7/11 and the clerk, his hands were shaking, I said: "are you all right?", and he said: "it's my first day, and I'm Indian, and I work at a gas station", I said: "you'll be fine," got my change and as I turned, he said nervously: "yes sir, thank you, have a good day sir".
It's a nice spring day, April 19th, and the flowers are in bloom and I did yard work until my arms turned pink. And my girl broke my laptop while making the bed, she went right to Best Buy and bought another because she felt so bad.
Then we went and bought and an old Vic drawer I liked, and went to an open house, it was built 1902, been kept up real nice, had a nice back porch and the walls were original brick. It was a great old house but I didn't like the way the cars blew past it.
Fell asleep last night here in Flims, Switzerland reading the John Connolly book "The Wanderer In Unknown Realms": book dealer goes missing, the detective sets out to find him, and he ends up on a murder spree, or was it a hallucination?
Fell asleep last night here again in Flims, Switzerland. Said goodnight on a hotel phone to my girlfriend, Caroline. This movie set's doing weird things to my head -- I'm not Italian, I'm not Swiss, and I can't act, and I don't exactly fit in.
Went to sleep last night, yeah again, here in Flims, Switzerland, and woke up to the sound of Michael Caine's voice, echoing down the hall and just like Martin Sheen in "Apocalypse Now". I was doing pushups and situps and I was going fucking crazy and crawling the walls.
Walked down the street and I pet a little kitty cat, she was sweet for a second then she turned into a little fucking brat. Came back and Jane Fonda was in the lobby, and we talked about her father, and she was lost and couldn't find anybody.
And we talked about the movie with her and Jon Voight, "Coming Home", she said she produced it, and that was a fact that I didn't know. And I asked her to dinner and she said, "I'll take a rain check". If only I had class like Ted Turner or Gregory Peck.
And I'm falling asleep again in goddamn Flims, Switzerland, a closed down ski town with one coffee shop and a field of dandelions. And I look at the snow covered Alps and I'm here until June 9th. Got some scenes this week, which is great, because at this point I'm losing my fucking mind.
Never mind all the other verses I've written about Switzerland. There's new things going on in my life, like my girlfriend got a new kitten.
And a friend of mine gave out my number to some crazy motherfucker, and I got all pissed off, and she said, "who do you think you are, Mick fucking Jagger?"
Fell asleep last night in New Orleans, just back from Switzerland, where like I said, I was going insane. And I went and got oysters on the half shell and some blackened alligator, then I called my friend in Ohio and, I flew up there and I stayed with her.
Went back to Europe for a tour and I was watching TV. There were missiles flying back and forth from Gaza to Tel-Aviv, and it concerned me cause I got friends over there. When I talk to them on the phone I can hear it in their voices that they're scared.
Some shit went down on tour and I had to let go one of my band guys, and it hurt me so much that for a solid forty-five minutes I cried.
Came to my room and he said: "Mark, I really need this job", I said: "it's tough love my friend, take some time off and we'll make music again one day, I promise".
Just back from Europe and it's Labor Day and I went walking. I laid in the sun all day and I called my friend Jude and we got to talking. Jude's the widow of my old friend, Tim. I said, "whatever you do, please, don't ask me about Switzerland".
Then my dad called about someone we love, I put a check in the mail gotta do what I gotta do when push comes to shove.
I hear her voice sometimes and it's an octave higher 'cause she gets weak from the drugs that dehydrate her.
It's hard to handle but I just keep keeping busy traveling and playing and writing until I'm fucking dizzy.
Some people love what I do and some get fucking pissy, but I don't give a fuck, one day they're all gonna miss me.
A year ago, I was in a car with a handicapped kid, I said: "so what are you gonna do with your life?" and he sat there blank and I said: "okay you think about it a minute".
And a few minutes passed and I said: "so what are you gonna do with your life, it's been a minute?", and he said: "I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna live it".
I'm going to sleep tonight and I can't fall asleep listening to the high pitched foghorns of the Carquinez Strait, they sound like a cacophony of piccolos and flutes, they echo all night. And I just turned forty-eight and I spent seventeen grand on the Mayweather-Pacquiao fight.
Going to sleep tonight with a goddamn ear infection, I broke another tooth on a piece of hard bread, and my gums are fucking hurting.
And my friend Ben went on a 50k race and he broke his wrist, and he called me up the other day and he asked me to join him as his guitarist to play with him in San Francisco, February 23rd, and I said: "yes sir, thank you, have a good day sir".

So I played last night with Ben at the Swedish-American hall and man, I was so nervous that I was gonna hit the wrong guitar chords. But Ben sang beautifully, and everything fell together pretty well.
What a nice combination that was: Ben singing, me on guitar, and a great pianist named Zach Rae. Caroline was there, and so was Ben's girlfriend Rachel, they both loved the show.
I talked to Bob Mould afterwards and I told him about how me listening to Candy Apple Grey on a sunny day at an old girlfriend's house made it into some lyrics and I hoped that someday they'd make it into a song.
It was a pretty funny night. Earlier at dinner, I got picked on a little for still having a flip phone, but after the show, some guy walked into the backstage area and was introduced to me as "The Smartest Guy In The World". They said he was a physicist or something like that.
And I pulled out my phone to check the time. he pulled his phone out and pointed out that he had the exact same phone that I did. Everyone was laughing, there were some girls looking at us like our phones were really gross or something.
We were all getting pretty tired, Ben and his friends took off, Caroline came back to my apartment, we watched part three of the HBO series "The Jinx: The Life and Deaths of Robert Durst".
It's February 24th and I still feel a little high from how good everything felt last night.